Doctors’ surgeries to become terrifying sex clubs, say old people

PLANS to ask patients about their sexuality mean doctors’ surgeries will become debauched sex clubs full of perverts, old people believe.

Tabloid outrage about the initiative has left many elderly people convinced they will have to try ‘golden showers’ when they only went in to get some ointment for their bad elbow.

Pensioner Roy Hobbs said: “When I next go to see Dr Simpson about my blood pressure I expect she’ll want me to wank off a goat just to fill her quota.

“The surgery will have been turned into a massive sex club full of nancy boys trying to ‘convert’ people. You’ll probably have to wear leather underpants if you want an appointment.

“They’ll want me to take Viagra and get stuck into a gay orgy there and then. That can’t be right after I’ve just had my hip done.”

Retiree Mary Fisher said: “If my GP asks about my sexuality I’ll tell him to mind his own beeswax.

“Should they want me to become a transsexual they’ll have to pay for me to have it done on BUPA.”