Fitness tracker a lying piece of shit

A FITNESS tracking band which counts steps and heartrate is actually a lying piece of shit, according to its owner. 

Joseph Turner, from Nantwich, has also branded the tracker, which he has been wearing since Tuesday, a fantasist, drunk, stupid and pathologically unable to tell the truth.

Turner continued: “There’s no way it’s only 431 steps from here to Tesco Metro, absolutely no way. Count them. I must have done at least 500 when I was in there as well. I went to three separate aisles.

“So why is this total bullshitter beeping at me? Yesterday I didn’t even hit 2,000 and I’d been up and down like a whore’s drawers all day.

“I reckon this one was designed for someone with shorter arms. But it’s making me look like a lazy twat, and that’s simply not true.” 

Shaking the device, Logan decided to take smaller steps in order to correctly calibrate the wrist-borne exercise aid, along with giving his hand a few extra shakes every time he sits down.