RAW, chapped hands are now the only hands Britons can bear to have touch them, they have confirmed.
The new craze for thoroughly washing your hands upwards of eight times a day means that hands so clean they feel like industrial sandpaper are now considered highly erotic by women and men alike.
Emma Bradford of Hull said: “My hands are now at the point where the skin is is as rough as splintered wood, and I couldn’t be happier.
“I wash them at least ten times a day even though I don’t leave the house, and every time I do I sing Bohemian Rhapsody all the way through twice, even the guitar solo. And my sex life has never been hotter.
“I scraped them along my husband’s hip and he said he felt like he was being caressed by a 19th-century whaler after three years at sea. We made beautiful love that night.”
Sex blogger Francesca Johnson said: “I urge people to be very cautious of anyone they see with baby-soft hands. They are sick, infectious deviants.
“My own hands are so rough that by rubbing them together I produce enough sparks to start a fire. And that drives men wild.”