Hospital parking charges fair because most people just go there for a laugh

MOST people who go to hospitals do so purely for fun, it has been claimed.

Defending hospital parking charges,  Tory MP Denys Finch-Hatton said: “Hospitals have great retail outlets, like a newsagent and a Costa, which attract families to go there just for a day out.

“They check out the abstract art in the reception foyer, watch some News 24 on a big telly with the sound turned down and sometimes just put a gown on and lie on a bed.

“Only a tiny fraction of the people at a hospital actually have anything wrong with them, which is why it’s fair enough that visitors should pay to park, the same as if they went to the cinema.

“Actually I think parking is usually free at the cinema but you get the idea.”

Plumber Bill McKay said: “The main reason I go to the hospital is because my wife is ill. If that wasn’t the case I very much doubt I would bother.

“Although the staff are perfectly helpful, I would not describe the hospital as having a ‘cool vibe’.”

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Teenage girl cynically pretending to be heartbroken about One Direction

A TEENAGE pop fan is having her first experience of overreacting to something in order to get attention.

13-year-old Emma Bradford responded to news of One Direction’s extended ‘break’ by locking herself in her bedroom even though she has not been into the band for a year.

She said: “This is worse than a bereavement, not that I’ve ever experienced a bereavement. I love Harry, and Lee or whatever the blonde one is called.

“I’m going to need counselling, a new top from Gap and permission to go to that party with older boys, otherwise I might not get through this.

“Most of all I’m going to need a lot of my friends to go on social media and tell me how ace I am.”

Bradford’s mum Susan said: “I’m fairly sure she’d already ditched ‘1D’ for the highly sexualised pop-rapper Iggy Azalea. I can’t take the chance though, so I’d better buy her a cake.”

However Emma Bradford said: “This is working really well. My friend Nikki’s nan is really ill, if she pegs it I will piggy-back on her grief to get a day off school.”