HOME Secretary Theresa May will press ahead with plans to look at everyone’s photos.
She defended the move by claiming members of ISIS and Al Qaeda often had ‘terrorist-y selfies’ on their phones and insisted it was not a move by the government to see if you have ever taken a picture of your genitals.
May said: “As home secretary, it is my duty to scroll right past that photo you wanted to show me of a dog wearing a batman costume so I can examine the intimate images you took with your partner in the Lake District.
“And if you try and take your phone back I will slap your hand away while shouting ‘parliamentary privilege’.”
Civil rights campaigners said the plans are a massive infringement on individual privacy, but May said that was because they were a ‘bunch of perverts with all kinds of weird shit on their phones’.
May also confirmed she will go through your Spotify playlist and Netflix history because terrorist fanatics also listen to music and watch high quality American drama.