KEEN to double down on your mental vaccination theories while reality seems intent on proving them wrong? Try these gambits:
It’s all about future population control
The success of the vaccine is a ruse. It’s designed to kill off huge swathes of the population at some unspecified point in the future. But because you’re unvaccinated you get to live on in an apocalyptic hellscape, beating a man to death with a can of beans in the ruins of Asda. Clever you.
Everyone else is brainwashed
Even though you’ve spent 18 months believing outlandish nonsense written by bored teenagers on obscure Reddit pages, it’s everyone else who’s brainwashed. No doubt by the ‘MSM’, which in your deranged delusions is controlled by George Soros and Ellen Degeneres.
Covid is no worse than the flu
Why vaccinate when Covid’s no worse than a bout of the flu? Well, you might want to ask the four million people worldwide who’ve died of it that. Or indeed ask yourself when you end up in hospital and realise that being wilfully dumb is very bad for your health.
Only social media knows the truth
Reputable news sources reporting too much positive news about the vaccine? Retreat to shadowy corners of YouTube and Twitter, where the true facts are provided by lunatics who found Qanon too mainstream. Did you know the Pfizer jab is reverse-engineered from alien DNA?
Get out there and protest
If all else fails, take to the streets with your fellow anti-vax pals and hit the seat of all power, like a former BBC studio that’s now luxury flats. Perhaps the utter ineptitude of your comrades will help you realise how f**king stupid you’re being. But it won’t.