AN A-LEVEL student who received a B grade in further maths will be regarded as a complete and utter failure forever.
18-year-old Joshua Hudson got A* grades in maths and physics and an A in English literature but shamed his college and family with the B grade which condemns him to a lifetime of scorn and ridicule from everyone he meets.
He said: “My parents have been in touch. They’ve told me not to come home because I am no longer their son. I understand.
“I’ve already abandoned my hopes and dreams and retired myself to a life of misery and mindless toil. And all because I got a B which secures my place at the University of Warwick.
“Even if I get a first-class degree, future employers will take one look at my A-level results, scrunch up my CV, and chuck it in the bin while howling with laughter. And they’ll be right to do so.
“My only hope is to claim I’m 21, that I achieved a B in 2018 when it was perfectly respectable to to do then served three years in prison for manslaughter. Nobody will judge me for that.”
Former girlfriend Grace Wood-Morris said: “They should brand the B on his forehead so he can never re-enter society. The thick twat.”