How to make your own PPE, with Dominic Raab

GOOD morning, I’m the supply prime minister and today I’m going to show you how to make your own personal protective equipment at home. 

First, get a large sheet of plastic. This could be cling film, an unused Alton Towers rain poncho, or simply leftover wrapping from the recent purchase of a double chest freezer. 

Lie on it while getting friends and family to draw around you. Make it into a fun game! Then cut out the silhouette and use it as a template to create protective aprons hand-tailored for your body. 

If you want to get a Sharpie to decorate them with flowers, pound signs or morale-boosting slogans like ‘I’m backing Boris’ or ‘Get Brexit done’, go ahead and let your creativity run wild. 

For headgear, take a look in the kids’ dressing-up box. There’s probably an old zombie mask, robot head or riot police helmet that will do a super job. 

Cover up all the joins with sellotape – but make sure you can breathe! I didn’t and the wife found me unconscious on the youngest’s Paw Patrol duvet three hours later. 

Finally, have a look around for a roll of disposable plastic gloves. Perhaps you’ve stolen them from work, like all public sector employees do. Well, I’m happy to declare an amnesty just this once. 

But if you can’t find any, a clever trick is simply to use woollen gloves plunged into a pan of hot wax, making them as waterproof and safe as a Barbour coat and just as classy. 

Congratulations, you’ve made your own PPE! Now get back on the NHS frontlines and no slacking. I know what you people are like.

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People over 40 regretting adding birth year to their email address

OVER-40s are now wishing they had not put the year they were born on their email address.

Middle-aged people like Martin Bishop are regretting choosing addresses such as [email protected] back in 1995, unaware that one day it would make them sound really old.

Bishop said: “When I was 20 I thought this was fine and remember being happy it wasn’t taken.

“Little did I know that one day I’d be a 45-year-old IT technician and this would make me look like an sad old loser.”

Lucy Howard said: “I thought [email protected] was fun and flirty back in the day. But as a 40-year-old GP it doesn’t really give the right impression.”

Tom Booker, 42, said: “I was a massive fan of him at the time so my email is [email protected].

“So basically I look old and as if I shouldn’t be coming to any children’s birthday parties.”