Man with cold enjoys original and amusing comments about ‘man flu’

A MALE office worker with a cold is excitedly awaiting clever and funny remarks about how he actually has ‘man flu’, it has emerged.

34-year-old corporate accountant Julian Cook came to work despite having a sore throat and blocked nose because of fears over his job security.

Cook’s team leader Mary Fisher said to him: “From the sniffling it sounds like you’ve got a touch of the old ‘man flu’.

“Do you know what ‘man flu’ is? It’s a joke term for when men get ill and they feel sorry for themselves like pathetic little children.”

Cook nodded to confirm that he was indeed familiar with the term, having heard it numerous times.

Fisher added: “I think you need to ‘man up’ with your ‘man flu’! Ha ha ha.”

Determined to mind his own business for the remainder of the day, Cook kept his head down and worked quietly until a colleague spotted the Lemsip on his desk.

Assistant manager Nikki Hollis said: “Uh oh – ‘man flu’ alert! Are we feeling a bit sorry for ourselves?

“My boyfriend had ‘man flu’ last week. He even went to the hospital, where they said it was bronchial pneumonia and did an emergency operation to remove one of his lungs. Of course he was just making a fuss.”

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Marvel fan worried about fate of highly lucrative characters

A SUPERHERO fan is concerned that hugely profitable intellectual properties such as Iron Man may not survive in new Marvel film Captain America: Civil War.

Council worker Martin Bishop is concerned that the epic conflict could result in his favourite characters dying and no longer appearing in Marvel’s hit film franchises or its multi-billion dollar product range.

Bishop said: “Iron Man looks like he’s getting battered in the trailer. I’ll be gutted if he dies, but I know Marvel would never compromise artistic integrity just to sell rucksacks.

“I’m also worried about Black Widow because she’s a bit puny compared to the others. I’d hate it if Scarlett Johansson’s character who wears a skin-tight outfit and is fancied by millions of men isn’t in the films anymore.

“It’s not like you can just bring people back from the dead in a universe full of mystical objects and amazing fictional technology.

“The new character Black Panther had better be especially careful not to get in any dangerous situations because he’s meant to be in his own film in 2018.”

Bishop is currently searching the internet to discover whether his favourite superheroes die, during which he has bought a set of Avengers shot glasses he will never use and a Nick Fury bath mat.