New Prostate Cancer Drug Not As Good As 'The Wire'

A NEW prostate cancer drug which could save thousands of lives is still not as good as The Wire, critics said last night.

Although the drug could potentially treat up to 80% of patients, scientists and television reviewers agreed it lacked the Dickensian scope of the Baltimore crime drama.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "Cancer cures come and go, but in 20 years time people will still be going on and on – and on – about The Wire.

"This drug may attack cancerous cells but it can't match the sheer genius of that scene where the big, scary guy says something really profound but does it through the medium of chess.

"But the real genius of The Wire is that its genius is so subtle, even though I have no idea what's going on and the only words I can understand are 'bitches' and 'motherfucker'."

He added: "It makes this new cancer drug look like Jonathan Creek."

The Wire is the latest in a string of genius American television dramas which have forced critics to invent a new range of superlatives.

The advertising-based drama Mad Men, last week voted 'better than trees' by the American Tree Institute, was described by one critic as 'magnibulous'.

Even cancer patients who have been treated successfully backed The Wire.

Tom Booker, 54, said: "This drug made no attempt to redefine the parameters of television drama and as far as I am aware there were no ex-policemen or gang members involved in its production.

"That said, my arse is much less painful."

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Britain Willing BT Broadband Couple To Split

MILLIONS of viewers have contacted British Telecom urging them to end the pathetic relationship at the heart of their long-running series of TV adverts.

The latest instalment shows the ginger streak of piss sitting on a terrace, apparently in Cornwall, emailing his mind-crushingly tedious live-in lover.

He has moved because of his job, though some have speculated it is because she hasn't smiled for nearly three years. The relationship now stands at a crossroads, with viewers across the country willing them to go their separate, tiresome ways.

Since 2005 millions have joined the couple on a slow, flat rollercoaster of emotions, that began with him moving in and having the first of many stilted conversations with whoever happens to be in the room.

The drama reached unbearable levels of dullness when she erased all the photos of her monosyllabic children, leading many viewers to assume she was some kind of moron.

But there were also pathetic attempts at light relief, including the teenage son getting into trouble for inviting his friends round to watch a certificate PG film while drinking lemonade.

The only potential excitement came when the ginger streak flirted with a gorgeous girl who was clearly up for all kinds of filth, before deciding, inexplicably, to remain faithful to whatserface.

Meanwhile a recent instalment included a desperate ploy to make him seem more interesting by showing him reading the paper and playing a bit of golf.

TV viewer Emily Francis, from Bath, told BT: "For the love of God, make it stop."