THE government has told Britons they are now free to hug, mix indoors and drink inside pubs, and warned them not to.
From today the UK can meet other households indoors, visit museums and art galleries, and go to the theatre, all of which the government has expressly said will spread Covid and cause another lockdown which will all be our fault.
A spokesman said: “You f**ked this up last time and look what happened. Don’t make us regret giving you this second chance.
“Last year you were straight back to the restaurants and the office and suddenly Covid was everywhere again. Then after that mini-lockdown you all met each other for Christmas, and what was the result? Exactly.
“So by now you should have learned not to do the things we are explicitly allowing you to do. And if you haven’t? That’s not on us.
“The prime minister has officially pre-absolved himself of any responsibility for the consequences of your selfish actions. Caveat emptor, mate.”
Joanna Kramer said: “I should imagine it’ll be my fault when the economy crashes and I lose my house as well. Why can’t I ever get it right?”