RIGHT-WING journalists are scouring the country in a desperate attempt to find anyone who believes in Boris Johnson’s ‘moonshot’.
Media outlets that support the prime minister are frantically searching for any random nutter who will back the plan to test 10 million people a day so they can claim they represent ‘ordinary Britain’.
Journalist Tom Booker said: “We’ve gone through every frothing loony who’s ever called LBC, every letter in green ink we’ve ever received, and all the most unhinged people on Twitter. Nothing.
“So we changed tack. Lefties, we thought. Surely there’s a few of them deluded enough to think that investing massive sums in public health is resurgent Corbynism. We even tried Owen Jones. Another dead end.
“Sadly, Operation Moonshot is such transparent fingers-crossed bollocks that there isn’t a single person in the UK who has an ounce of faith in it for a single moment. Not even Johnson himself. Obviously.”
19-year-old Josh Hudson said: “I’m on LSD, ketamine, DMT and I’ve been smoking skunk for 23 hours straight. I believe I can fly, and that machine elves are singing our world into existence.
“Moonshot? Nah. Come off it mate. That’s a load of cock.”