Wednesday, 30th September 2020

Six types of people you can't stand but end up socialising with anyway

THERE are new rules for socialising, but sadly not for avoiding people you hate but find yourself stuck in the pub with anyway. Here are the worst.

Your girlfriend’s horrible male friend from uni

Your girlfriend is inexplicably friendly with Steve or Xander or ‘Boff’, but to you he just seems like a twat. Usually into things you have no interest in, eg. high-performance motorbiking and spouting dodgy opinions, he’ll make you want to take your pint and sit in the toilets for the rest of the night, even if it makes you look like the tosser.

House or kids bore

This individual will ruin any evening by talking relentlessly about their house or kids. Others will join in, and the conversation will soon be in a death spiral about combi boilers or GCSE results.

Your boyfriend’s super-creepy friend

Your boyfriend only relates to him on a basic level of going to the pub and talking about footie or films. However once you get talking to him all manner of weirdness comes out, eg. “If my girlfriend came home drunk, I used to leave her locked outside for half an hour.” Also, is he hitting on you with your partner four feet away? Yes. Jesus.

That guy… Chris?

Chris, if that’s his name, just kind of shows up but it’s hard to remember who he is. Is he Zoey’s mate? Or ex? Or actual husband? Either ways he’s a knob who wants to talk about cycle lanes. 

Woman who gets incredibly pissed and requires two hours of close supervision

Totally wasted male friends tend to find their way home like pigeons and grab a kebab on the way. Female friends are trickier, so once Lucy has necked 12 glasses of wine you now have to get a cab, find her lost bag, stop her falling over, locate her keys, realise this isn’t working and get her tucked up on the sofa with a washing up bowl nearby.

Relatives

You can minimise contact but never totally avoid it, so you may as well just resign yourself to finding about young Lee’s pointless Art & Interactive Technology course, or Uncle Gavin’s ultra-right views that make Mussolini seem woke.