MAKING sweeping judgements about other people’s lives based entirely on their shopping is the key to personal happiness, it has been confirmed.
Researchers found that being horribly critical about strangers who are buying a box of Crispy Pancakes and two litres of Tizer is healthier than meditation, exercise or a Mediterranean diet.
Shopper Francesca Johnson said: “If they have no vegetables apart from a bag of frozen peas then I assume they didn’t go to university, whilst if they’re buying crinkle cut chips they probably didn’t finish school at all.
“Women buying a single bottle of wine are going to go home and cry into it alone, and anyone buying a plug-in air freshener reads the Daily Mail and votes for UKIP.
“In my basket I’ve got a kale, lentils, a bottle of truffle oil and a box of lapsang souchong. All of these things are obviously disgusting but I want people to think I’m intelligent.”
Looking at Johnson’s shopping, next-in-the-queue Donna Sheridan, muttered: “What a fucking arsehole.”
