Friday, 3rd July 2020

Six people it's safe to talk to while wearing your mask around your chin

SICK of wearing your face mask on your actual face? Does it feel more natural on your chin? These six people couldn’t care less if your spittle is flying at them: 

Children

Though kids aren’t back to school until September, we should test their collective immunity however we can. Give them a good face-to-face and prove how wrong all those teachers following government advice really are.

Pets

Dogs, cats and even birds do not care where you choose to place your mask. They are just as interested in your views on Rebekah Vardy’s legal action as any people are, and have no anxieties about coronavirus communicability. Chat away.

Beekeepers

Already fully veiled and protected, apriarists make the perfect conversation partners in these troubled times. Their daredevil lifestyle makes them naturally laidback when it comes to the potential transfer of germs, which are notably smaller than bees.

Hispters with enormous beards

As well as being something of a push-up bra for the aging man, beards are a natural face mask. In lockdown, male facial hair has evolved to create a barrier around the lips full of craft beer residue and vegan snack crumbs that no virus can penetrate.

Your mate who’s also got his mask around his chin

If two people agree that all this mask nonsense is a fuss about nothing and it’s no worse than the flu, then how could they possibly infect each other? That’s logic mate.

Ghosts

People who have already passed on have nothing to worry about when it comes to life-threatening disease. Ignore their warnings about polio, Spanish flu, Hong Kong flu and Asian flu. Be sure to thoroughly disinfect your Ouija board after use.