THE hinterland between Christmas and New Year punishes your body and mind in novel ways. These hangovers are why you’ll return to work not remotely refreshed:
The Alcohol Hangover
Was it starting drinking at midday, or not stopping until 2am? Was it mixing sherry, prosecco, beer, red wine, brandy, eggnog, whisky, vodka and Baileys? Or was it just too much of one of them? Either way, all you want for Christmas is to die and for your body to be sealed in concrete to stop its extravagent toxicity harming future generations.
The Savoury Food Hangover
Why couldn’t you stop at a handful of Twiglets? A couple of bowlfuls, even? Not to mention the slab of apple-smoked cheddar, wedge of stilton and mound of potatoes you nibbled straight from the fridge at midnight after a day of gorging? You wake feeling nauseous and yet somehow hungry. You’ll have to eat your way through it.
The Sugary Food Hangover
Now the presents have all been unwrapped, there’s only one way to cushion your disappointment; a conveyor belt of delicious sugary treats. Tubs of Heroes, boxes of truffles, Yule log, candy canes, boxes of biscuits; your Marie Antoinette-level indulgence will sink you into a coma. Driving is not advised, and nor is trying to do up trousers.
The Too Much Telly Hangover
With nowhere to go and relatives demanding full explanations of your job/life/tattoos to avoid, the screen provides a much-needed escape. But discovering a new show snowballs into an 18-hour binge and it becomes easy to forget you do not exist solely to consume plot twists. Catatonic from over-consumption, you’ll have to interact with other humans to beat this one.
The Too Much Time With Family Hangover
When it comes to family, distance directly equates to tolerability. There is nothing more harmful to the body and mind to remember why you flushed your sister’s dolls down the toilet and stamped on your brother’s Lego. The most severe of all the hangovers, this can take months, or in some cases up to a year, to shift. If you can stand them by Easter you’re doing well.