We will get sugar somehow, promise kids

CHILDREN have confirmed that they will find sugar wherever it is hidden because they love it.

A million magic crystals painted pure and white

As parents threw away sugar-laden fruit juice, their offspring were already constructing makeshift ladders to the baking cupboard and pouring themselves vermicelli shots.

Eight-year-old Eleanor Shaw said: “It doesn’t matter if it’s in a lollipop, a cereal bar, a bottle of Newman’s Own Sticky BBQ Sauce or the raw sucrose stored in the back legs of a grasshopper, I’m having sugar.

“Our entire diet is a long game of Find the Lady, where the manufacturers have hidden sugars in one supposedly healthy item and we know which but you don’t.

“Without that we’ll steal packets of sugar from cafe tables or lick around the rim of your cappuccino cup like wasps.

“Anything for sweet, sweet sugar.”

Mother of three Susan Traherne said: “We do our best to keep them off the stuff, but it’s not easy.

“Our Gavin’s trick-or-treat bucket was overflowing. It’s taken the last 10 nights  and a box-set of Lewis for us to munch it down to an acceptable level.”