Woman surprised to still be overweight despite having running app

DOWNLOADING an exercise app is not the same as actually doing exercise, it has been confirmed.

Emma Bradford, a digital marketing assistant from Solihull, downloaded an app called EZ Couch to 5K last month but has neither lost weight nor become fitter.

Bradford, 28, commented: “It said that EZ Couch to 5K would provide me with a motivating coach, show me how many calories I’ve burned and allow me to share my amazing progress on Facebook.

“I’ve opened the app a few times and entered my name and stuff, but if anything I’ve gained weight.”

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Most people are made up of an unfortunate combination of vanity and stupidity.

“This means they are easily seduced into buying things that they think will magically make them slim with only the minimal effort of playing with their smartphone for a bit.

 “However, the unfortunate truth is that the only way to lose weight is to get off your fat arse and run around a lot in the punishing cold.”

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Man nodding head to cafe music to show that he really gets it

A 26-YEAR-OLD man is nodding along to the music in a cafe so that others can see how he really gets it.

Website designer Wayne Hayes is self-consciously bobbing his head along to the cafe’s iTunes playlist of chart music and commercial hip hop, like some sort of duck in heat.

Onlooker Mary Fisher said: “He was just sitting there playing about on Facebook when a ‘cool’ track came on.

“Then he looked left and right, to see if anyone was watching, and started nodding along in time. Well, more or less in time.

“He’s also pursed his lips in a serious way, which reinforces the whole duck thing.”

Hayes said: “I hadn’t realised I was doing it. That’s just what happens to my body when a dope track by Ed Sheeran comes on in Costa.

“I am the music.”