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Woman thought ultrasound scan would get more likes

A DISAPPOINTED mum-to-be expected a photo of her ultrasound scan to get more likes on social media than it did.

Lauren Hewitt, 29, has been refreshing her Facebook profile in the hope that the thumbs-up and heart emojis underneath her miracle of life will reach a more gratifying number.

Hewitt said: “The usual suspects left a reaction: mum, dad, even my boyfriend after I nagged him. It’s still not enough though.

“It might sound like a lot to get 116 likes, but bear in mind I’ve got over a thousand so-called friends on here. It’s not like I’m asking them to write a lengthy congratulations, even though that would be the polite thing to do.

“I’m building a human being in my body for f**k’s sake. Does that not amaze you? I got eight times as many likes for just standing on a beach wearing a bikini, which I think we’d all agree is less impressive.

“Maybe I need to add a witty caption like ‘so I did a thing’ to drive engagement? If this picture is struggling then I’m worried the next few years of relentless baby photos are going to bomb as well.”

Friend Nikki Hollis said: “I couldn’t give a shit about Lauren’s baby, but I gave it a like because whoever performed the ultrasound did an incredible job.”

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What your girlfriend is looking at on her phone vs what she's telling you

PARTNER endlessly scrolling on her mobile? Ever wondered if she’s being entirely honest about what she’s looking at? Here’s the uncomfortable truth.

‘Just catching up on Insta, babe’

It’s Tinder. She’s not that into you and knows it won’t last, so she’s keeping her options open. Unlike you, who thinks you’ve found the love of your life and recently asked her to move in. That romantic marriage proposal you’re meticulously planning won’t end well either. It all feels so unfair, but at least she’s having to swipe through thousands of absolute twats.

‘Just catching up on the news’

By which she means stalking your presence on her friends’ social media profiles. She bloody well knows you fancy Sally, and if there’s a single heart emoji on any of her Facebook profile pictures she’ll find it and you’ll be in the shit. You’ll protest your innocence – too bad you’ve forgotten scrolling while shitfaced a fortnight ago and leaving a heart and three wows on four of her pics.

‘Nothing much, just browsing’

Online shopping. There will be a tsunami of Vinted parcels delivered over the next fortnight, which she’s syphoned the cash for from that joint savings account you set up for a holiday to Greece next summer. Which she knows you won’t be going on, because she’s planning to dump you right after Christmas once she’s had your presents.

‘Just my sister texting again’

The sister who works in her office and is called Niall? He’s been sending her interesting, friendly texts slightly too consistently for it to be innocent. As a man you can instantly spot his ulterior motives, but you can’t really admit to having done exactly the same thing yourself, particularly as it reminds you of not having much success.

‘Aww, this video of a kitten, it’s sooo cute!’

Tragically, she’s telling the truth. Tragic because she’s about to sit next to you and force you to watch it, right in the middle of Match of the Day. You’ll be obliged to feign interest and avert your eyes from the TV just as your team scores that 89th minute winner against United. And the kitten wasn’t even one of those super-adorable fluffy ones anyway.

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