Argentine Top Gear leaves trail of destruction


ARGENTINIAN motoring show Marcha Mas has left outrage in its wake on a trip to the UK.

‘The Capybara’ was seen harassing a bulldog

Presenters Javier Cacares, Jesus Martinez and Ramiro “The Capybara” Ramos have been accused of rudeness, wanton damage, and driving an Austin Allegro with the deliberately provocative registration HND 0F GD.

Cacares, wearing his characteristic denim jacket and pinstriped suit trousers, said: “We find the English hilarious.

“Your tiny cocks, your slow careful driving, your stupid stocky dogs that cannot clean their own backsides.

“We have sped through your country, driving on the right as it should be done, high on the cocaine that is perfectly legal here.

“Our audience will love seeing us struggle to get over rough, broken terrain like the M1, stopping for a barbecue during torrential rain as is your country’s risible custom.”

Martinez, known as Capitan Lento to fans, also faces criticism for driving a bulldozer into a thatched cottage which he rejects because the only people hurt were unimportant foreigners.

The Marcha Mas crew will be followed by teams from the German, Botswanan, Pakistani and Cambodian Top Gears, each filming their own comical travelogue through Britain.

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Since when did a basic grasp of arithmetic become necessary in business?

Dear Holly,

Since when did having a basic grasp of arithmetic become necessary to succeed in business? I had every piece from Primark’s ‘Miss Entrepreneur’ range and I can spell my whole name, what more does Alan Sugar want?

Lindsay Booth


Dear Lindsay,

We need more women like you taking prominent roles in business, if only to prove to my maths teacher, Mrs Pritchard, that she is a complete and utter liar. She seems to think that everyone needs maths to survive, but I know for a FACT that I will have no need of such piffling nonsense when I become a Disney Princess. The role that arithmetic will play in my life when dressing up in pretty dresses and dancing to Britney Spears will be negligible. I already know which combination of digits to press to get Nickelodeon on the telly; what else could I want for?

Hope that helps,