GORDON Brown has pledged to save Britain with an exciting timetable of parliamentary debates.
The former prime minister said that if Scots voted ‘no’ then politicians at Westminster would have a debate about something in November.
There would be at least one more debate after that and then the politicians at Westminster would vote about something in January, or February at the latest.
Speaking to some working class Scottish people, Brown added: “I personally guarantee that these debates will include the words ‘Scotland’ and ‘possibly’.”
Bill McKay, an Edinburgh man who pollsters have identified as the person who will decide the referendum, said: “Christ almighty, that’s a nice timetable.
“If it had been March I would have walked up to Gordon Brown and told him to ‘fuck right off’. But January, well that’s a bit special.”
He added: “I now feel myself wobbling towards ‘no’. But that could change because I haven’t really been listening.”