FOOTBALL fan sites are awash with rumours that England might be playing a match this evening.
The word-of-mouth buzz follows England’s recent invite-only friendly against an unnamed Nordic country, already the football equivalent of The Sex Pistols’ gig at the Free Trade Hall.
The game will be held at a smaller, cooler venue like Cambridge United’s Abbey Stadium where fans will be able to enjoy a close-up and intimate performance by the team.
Manager Roy Hodgson said: “If there were a game, perhaps against a cult side like the Swiss, then we wouldn’t just be doing the big crowd-pleasing stadium stuff like grinding out a one-nil.
“It’d be deep cuts that we’ve not done for years, like passing the ball accurately, scoring from free-kicks and properly defending corners.
“But we’re not playing, and certainly not under the false name Avalon Athletic.”
England fan Wayne Hayes said: “I’ve got my pots of red and white face paint in my pocket just in case and am maintaining an obnoxious level of drunkenness.”