But this is a MacBook, says air passenger

A PASSENGER on a Jeddah-London flight has explained that while laptops may be banned he has a MacBook, which is different. 

Joseph Turner has told airline staff that he fully understands why they are taking laptops away from businessmen but that his MacBook Pro is a creative tool, so the rules do not apply. 

He continued: “It’s not a laptop. I actually loudly correct anyone who calls it a laptop. I did it in the airport coffee place just before. 

“This is the precision-milled instrument with which I create worlds, bring characters to life, and punch up advertising copy for blue-chip brands. It could never harm. 

“The battery of a MacBook cannot be removed except by a certified Genius at the Genius Bar. It’s far beyond ISIS’s capabilities.” 

Following the conversation Turner has been shown into a room to await further questioning, which he believes will lead to an upgrade to first class. 

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Google introduces 'You should probably just break up' alert

GOOGLE has introduced a new tool for users who keep doing searches about whether their partner is really ‘the one’.

A spokesman said: “The new algorithm tracks how many times a person takes quizzes about their emotions, reads articles about polyamory and enters vague questions about the nature of love after midnight.

“Once the alert level is reached, they receive an email directing them towards a WikiHow about handling a break-up, a playlist of uplifting songs about being independent and a guide to the best bars in the local area.”  

Google user and long-term girlfriend Nikki Hollis said: “I don’t know why the break-up alert went off for me, all I’ve been doing is looking up how happy people should expect to be in a relationship.

“I found a really useful blog about how we demand too much from other people anyway. Everything is completely fine.”

Google revealed that it is also considering offering additional relationship alerts including ‘You’re watching quite a lot of porn’, ‘You’re looking at that guy from work’s Facebook profile again’ and ‘Your ex’s Instagram is still set to private’.