EU scoundrels point out that Britain will get exactly what it voted for

DISHONEST EU leaders have been attacked for telling Britain that it is going to get exactly what it wanted.

As Britain realised that leaving the EU means actually leaving the EU, the EU’s unscrupulous leadership said, ‘well, yeah’.

EU president Donald Tusk added: “Before the referendum we said, very clearly, ‘no freedom movement, no single market’. Shall we go through that again?

“No freedom of movement, no single market. Yep, that’s unambiguous. ‘Unambiguous’ means ‘very clear’.

“You voted to ‘leave the EU’. But, hang on, let me just check – when you voted to ‘leave the EU’ you did actually understand what the EU is? Yeah?

“Fucknuts.”

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Autocorrect can tell woman still pissed from night before

A SMARTPHONE’S autocorrect function can detect when its user is still drunk from the night before, it has emerged.

Emma Bradford’s Sony Xperia z5 admitted that it knew full well that owner Emma Bradford was still over the legal limit from a big session, and amended her texts accordingly.

Bradford said: “It took me ages to message Geraldine, because we’d accidentally ended up having three bottles of wine on a Thursday.

“But even though I’d tapped out ‘Great night last night, can’t believe we got so pissed on a school night’ the message I sent was ‘Greet night left night. Can’t Bruce writ test kidded on a Schiller night’.

“Luckily she understood, as I knew from her reply ‘Awwk lonely to sea yourself. Big hucks. Gotta go third up again xxx’.

“It’s like we have our own language when we’re both pissed, that only we and our autocorrects understand.”

Bradford’s phone said: “I didn’t even know where to start with them, so I left them to it.”

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