INSPIRATIONAL teachers have no place in Brexit Britain and will be scrapped, the government has confirmed.
Education secretary Justine Greening said: “Pupils having their eyes opened to the wonders of the world by funny, wise teachers will just make it harder for an independent Britain to compete against ruthlessly efficient Germans.”
The move was welcomed by headmaster Roy Hobbs who stressed his job of churning out call centre workers was not helped by pupils standing on their desks and ‘swearing undying loyalty to a hippy’.
He added: “It’s not part of the core curriculum and those desks are not built to support a teenager.”
Inspirational teacher Nikki Hollis said: “I was getting a small group of pupils to paint their dreams onto their school shirts when the head came in and told me I was fired.
“I didn’t even have the chance to collect the ‘I Will Tell My Grandkids About You’ scrapbook the class had made for me.”
Justine Greening added: “I am seizing the day.”