Monday, 8th March 2021

Have you booked a foreign holiday this summer and what the f**k were you thinking?

GOVERNMENT quarantine rules have made foreign holidays impossible this summer. But have you already booked one and if so, how thick are you? Find out: 

What are your plans for the summer? 

A) Hopefully at some stage, if the vaccines work, we’ll be able to leave the house and see family and maybe even visit a pub. Unlikely, I know, but we dare to dream.
B) Two weeks in Rhodes. It’s all booked, flight and hotel and everything. And they wouldn’t let you book it unless it was happening, would they?

Do you consider going abroad a gamble? 

A) It’s more like a full evening in a casino in that however much money you pour in you’ll lose and international pandemic protocols will win.
B) Gamble? Safe as houses mate. We’ve been going the Algarve for 20 years so minor issues like Covid or Brexit won’t change nothing.

What will you do if you can’t leave the country for a holiday? 

A) We’ll celebrate the UK’s many holiday destinations by trying to find one without too many Brits ruining it in their f**king football tops and big shorts.
B) If Florida gets called off we’ll make do with Lanzarote or Ibiza or even Disneyland Paris. The kids will be disappointed but it’s the circumstances, isn’t it?

Is your deposit refundable?

A) Sadly the campsite in Pembrokeshire will keep our £450 if we’re banned from going to Wales in July. It’s an acceptable loss.
B) It’s all ABTA and stuff now isn’t it, so they’ll look after us if anything goes wrong. Though we didn’t book from a travel agent because it was cheaper on the internet.

Any other plans? 

A) It may seem extravagant, but I’d really like to visit Nando’s and a cinema like in the old days. But I doubt it’ll happen.
B) Swimming with dolphins, jet-skiing, scuba diving, Euro 2021 and Latitude.

ANSWERS

Mostly As: Perhaps you’re being over-cautious but at least you’re realistic. That Nando’s won’t happen.

Mostly Bs: You have not thought this through and will try and bulldoze your way to a fortnight in the sun regardless. And Boris Johnson will probably cave in and let you, like with Christmas.