Kim Jong-un promises he will only use nukes if he wants to

THE leader of North Korea has sworn to only use nuclear weapons if he is really in the mood. 

Kim Jong-un, who took over running the family dictatorship in 2012, has told Western powers that use of the hydrogen bomb will be reserved for an occasion of extreme wanting-to. 

He continued: “For example, today is my birthday so I treated myself to the detonation of a six kiloton hydrogen bomb, which is fair enough. 

“But what I won’t do is order the nuking of say Tokyo just because I’ve been brought corked wine or don’t like that night’s episode of Lewis

“If that happens I’ll be self-disciplined and just shoot a few relatives as usual.”

The international community has responded with relief to the news, which a US spokesman said was “the strongest assurance they could possibly have hoped for.”

The spokesman added: “Now we can completely stop worrying about North Korea and concentrate on Iran. 

“They’ve had wars with Saddam Hussain and ISIS, you know. We can’t trust people like that.”