Nigel Farage: Immigration has been a disaster for America from the very start

By Nigel Farage

I HAVE come to you, America to tell the unpalatable truth – uncontrolled immigration has been a disaster for your country for almost 250 years. 

You are the greatest country in the world. You gave us the hamburger, the pizza, Elvis Presley and the trading of securitised car loan bundles. I wish Britain could be just like America in every way, which shows how patriotic I am.

But at the same time you have spent your history allowing a tide of immigrants to swamp your shores, whether from Mexico, the Middle East, Europe or even those immigrants who were already here when real Americans arrived.

You are being overrun, exploited just because you need an endless source of cheap labour, believe in ‘freedom’ and really like drugs. Well, no more.

I have come to you, America, to do to you what I have done to Britain. To give you a new dream of splendid isolation, borders permanently sealed, the rest of the world and its troubling differences as good as gone.

Throw out the freeloaders. Exile the troublemakers. Trace back their family trees and if  there’s even a hint of immigration in their background, they’re out. Get the religious fanatics and the troublemakers on the boats they came over on and wave them goodbye.

Allow true America to realise its America First dream for Americans only living in America, by America, for America. The way it always should have been.

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Rabbit thanks Hefner for making him look like some sort of sex god

A RABBIT has thanked Hugh Hefner for making people think he is a sex symbol, not just a boring herbivore.

Rabbit Roy Hobbs said: “Before the Playboy logo, people had a much more mundane image of rabbits as slightly manky-looking brown things that amble around eating vegetation.

“And to be honest, that is quite accurate. For example I’ve spent this morning squatting in a field nibbling at grass and occasionally looking startled.

“But thanks to Hugh, the world associates rabbits with high-class orgies, cocktails, celebrity breasts and driving around really fast in sports cars.

“While in reality I am very shy. It comes with being quite low in the food chain.”

He added: “Maybe one day I’ll have a rabbit version of the Playboy Mansion. Basically a massive sex burrow with hot and cold running carrots.”