Obama thanks Romney for being such a penis

PRESIDENT Barack Obama has thanked Mitt Romney for being a largely unappealing man.

Obama said: “It’s been a very rocky four years, and if my closest rival hadn’t been so evidently a big dog’s cock I’d have been toast.

“Mr Romney, I salute you for making this possible with your general lack of charm.

“I hope there’s plenty more Republicans like you in the future.”



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Dorries fulfills pathetic destiny

I’M a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here is exactly where Nadine Dorries was always going to end up, it has been confirmed.

Anger and dismay at the novelty MP’s decision to abandon her constituents for a month subsided quickly as people across Britain said ‘of course’.

Meanwhile, experts praised the business acumen of the Jimmy Savile look-a-like as she will now receive £40,000 to destroy a political career that was essentially worthless.

Former Tory MP Ann Widdecombe said: “This is the right move for Nadine. She doesn’t have quite enough gravitas for Strictly Come Dancing.”