People indifferent to important things passionately defend leggings

PEOPLE who are generally not that engaged with world events have stepped up to defend stretchy jogging bottoms.

After some girls were forbidden from wearing leggings on a United Airlines flight, some people who didn’t even vote have been whipped into a frenzy of rage.

Nikki Hollis from Bath said: “I was away at Glastonbury for the Brexit thing but if they have a referendum on whether arse-clinging ‘yoga pants’ are acceptable in public I would cancel this year’s holiday in Florida.

“This isn’t just about leggings, it’s a civil rights issue. About leggings.”

Cyclist Wayne Hayes said: “I regularly wear semi-translucent spandex bottoms that clearly show the outline of my balls and penis.

“It’s partly because of aerodynamics and also because I believe men and women alike should be able to wander around looking like they have just painted their lower bodies.”

Nikki Hollis added: “If they take away our leggings, who knows what might happen next? They could reduce the size of Kit Kats or something really bad like that.

“It certainly would set humanity on a dangerous path.”

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Man whose house has gone up in value thinks he's a brilliant businessman

A MAN who has benefited from constantly rising property prices somehow believes it is due to his excellent business skills.

Cafe owner Norman Steele, 56, feels the ridiculously high £525,000 value of his three-bedroom home can only be the result of his shrewd eye for an investment.

Steele said: “Clearly when I bought the house 30 years ago I subconsciously realised it would be worth a fortune later on.

“People might say it’s just luck, but actually I was playing a skilful game of paying my mortgage and carefully monitoring the property market by reading the Daily Express.

“I’ve made a huge return on what I paid originally, so if I start doing loads of other business deals with the same rate of profitability I’ll soon have a luxury yacht full of women in bikinis.

“Perhaps I’ll play the stock market because I watched Trading Places and know you should ‘buy low, sell high’.”

He added: “I admit when I invested in a burger van with my mate Kenny we both ended up two grand out of pocket, but how was I to know you’d need some stupid licence from the council?”