Sunday, 9th May 2021

President Trump or President Kanye: which would be the absolute f**king worst?

THE USA could choose another four years of Trump, or gamble on an even bigger twat by electing President Kanye West. Who would suck harder? 


As a real-estate developer Trump’s business model is firmly based on ripping everybody off. Kayne is a classic Kenyesian economist, in that he spends shitloads constantly and doesn’t give one f**k, which while unsophisticated is a proven method of beating recession.

Foreign policy

Trump was delusional enough to get on well with Boris Johnson and Kim Jong-un. But Kanye is twice as egomaniacal and would force them to record bars for an upcoming track, leaving them humbled and terrified. Even China’s tiny compared to Kanye’s towering self-regard.

First lady

The White House belongs to America. So why aren’t there cameras in there filming every moment of the First Family’s life to sell overseas? Melania calls herself a model, but Kim Kardashian would really monetise every aspect of the Oval Office for Instagram likes.

Military leadership

Who would the army rather take orders from, a fat man with f**ked-up hair and tiny little eyes or the man who made bangers like Power, Stronger, and Black Skinhead that sound great on your headphones as you’re air-striking Al Qaeda or whoever? No contest.

Fighting coronavirus

Trump won’t wear a facemask because he’s so insecure he thinks it makes him look unmanly. Kanye wore a full-face crystal facemask for his whole 2013 tour. This both sets a good example to Americans and makes him look like Cobra Commander, so win-win.


America deserves Kanye.