Right-wing populist revolutions f**king useless

THE defeat of healthcare repeal in the US and the UK’s pathetic Brexit negotiations, has convinced experts that right-wing populist revolutions are fucking useless. 

President Trump’s inability to repeal Obamacare and Theresa May’s inability to win an election has reassured other countries that the ‘rising tide of nationalist populism’ was actually just a collection of dickheads.

Political scientist Susan Traherne said: “I admit we were worried. Seems stupid now.

“Last November, with hard Brexit gathering momentum and Trump’s shock win, it seemed inevitable that the Netherlands and France would also fall to flag-draped racists and the whole liberalism thing would be over.

“But now May’s running squawking in circles waiting to be beheaded, Trump’s grand plan is to spend four years congratulating himself on winning an election, and everybody’s been rather put off.” 

She added: “This isn’t The Nazis: A Warning From History. It’s The Twats: A Reminder Of Their Unfitness For Office.” 

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Dear Holly, I haven't done my Brexit homework, yours, Amber Rudd

Dear Holly,
I could just kick myself. You know that annoying feeling when Nigel Farage says that EU migration is a big problem and you can’t think of anything so you just say “meep”. And then there’s a referendum and people vote Brexit and then a few months later you’re watching Antiques Road Trip with tea and a ginger nut when suddenly it comes to you – what you meant was “let’s formally investigate this issue and use our findings as an evidence base on which the British public can make an informed, reasoned decision.” Do you reckon I got away with it?


Dear Amber,
If someone is saying horrible stuff to you and you’ve been playing too much Minecraft on the iPad to articulate a witty retort, wipe a bogie hastily on their arm then sharply pull their Spider-Man underpants up as high as you possibly can until they are crying for mercy. Eventually you can let go and look down with disdain at them, snivelling and writhing around on the ground, this playtime’s victim. No words required.
Hope that helps,