THE next president of America will be either partially or completely insane, it has been confirmed.
Hillary Clinton has been confirmed as Democratic presidential nominee, running against Republican Donald Trump in the race to the Whitehouse, leaving the global population wondering exactly what form their demise will take.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “The sad fact of politics is that any person who desires to be in charge of a whole country is by definition an insane megalomaniac and therefore terrifyingly unsuitable.
“Whilst Trump is mad in an obvious ‘Let’s nuke Mexico’ kind of way, Clinton’s madness is of the more insidious ‘I just want power’ kind.
“Trump will end the world in an orgy of explosions and crazy rhetoric, but Clinton will kill you slowly by turning a blind eye to multinational corporations lacing the food chain with toxic chemicals.
“During the forthcoming Food Riots of 2020, Trump will yell at troops to kill all looters, while Clinton will instruct generals to ‘shoot if you must’ while a single tear rolls down her cheek.
“Imagine having to watch either Terminator 2 or a really miserable version of Erin Brokovitch for the rest of your life.”