Thatcher and Reagan was beautiful romance that made us fear for our lives, explain 40-somethings

MIDDLE-AGED Britons have explained to young people that Reagan and Thatcher shared a beautiful eight-year romance that almost triggered armageddon.

Across the UK, young people are learning about the Cowboy and the Iron Lady whose passion was so great they wanted it to burn the whole world.

Tom Booker, from Croydon, said: “You see, only one thing threatened their perfect affair in a free-market paradise: communists, meaning ‘anyone who disagreed with them’.

“So they decided that, rather than their love be ruined by their enemies, they would cleanse the earth with nuclear fire and be king and queen in the glowing ashes.

“Sadly the cowboy was very forgetful and the iron lady went mad, and our lives had to continue. But now, with Trump and May, that love has a second chance.”

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Tesco buying Londis so they can charge 85p for a can of Tizer

TESCO is buying Londis because they can charge 85p for a Tizer and up to £1.60 for a loaf of white bread. 

The supermarket giant is paying £3.7 billion for the convenience chain, but believes it can earn that money back in months with ridicuous mark-ups.

Tesco CEO Joseph Turner said: “Have you seen how much they charge for a Pot Noodle? £1.45 when it’s got dust on the top. And they’re still selling last year’s Creme Eggs.

“Their brands are shit, half of it’s out of date, the stores have one – seriously, one – staff member and they’re getting at least 50 per cent more per item than we are, so it’s a total no-brainer.

“We can buy stuff from our own supermarkets, put it on shelves in Londis, make two profits from the same goods. It’s a genius move.”

Londis manager Bill McKay said: “I don’t have to talk to you. I don’t even have to look at you. This isn’t a fucking Tesco.”