The Mash guide to the presidential debate

AMERICA’S presidential candidates have clashed on live television – but who won the debate?

Clinton defended deleting 33,000 personal emails including Wowcher deals that no sane person could ignore.

Trump is insane.

Clinton denied that her hair is looking increasingly similar to Trump’s and that they will eventually become a celebrity couple known as Trumcli.

Trump is insane.

Clinton rebutted attacks on her physical stamina by asserting that she now drinks Horlicks every night and has the malt levels of a 22-year-old.

Trump is insane.

Clinton is not Trump. Trump is insane.

Trump See above.

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Baby bullshit websites weirdly using ‘mama’ instead of ‘mum’

WEBSITES and blogs about baby bullshit are weirdly obsessed with the word ‘mama’, it has been claimed.

Researchers at the Institute for Studies found that 81 per cent of baby bullshit sites had ‘mama’ in the title despite the word being obviously annoying.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “That term fell out of usage in 1983 and since then was used only in the titles of serial killer films.

“However sanctimonous baby claptrap website owners seem to love it. It makes them feel warm inside.

“Weirder still they are not all American.”

‘Mama’ Mary Fisher writes a blog called Hip Organic Snuggle Mama. She said: “My blog is a cold-hearted exercise in wooing corporate sponsors with a mix of cloying sentimentality and cunning product placement.

“If you don’t like that then you hate babies, and by extension, humanity.”