This Christmas, let’s all adopt a North Korean

TEMPORARY lodgings are being sought for most of North Korea’s 25 million people.

Experts said that if each North Korean is guaranteed warm, dry accommodation, it will be much easier to get them all the hell out of there.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “I know that when you see them on television, they seem happy to be ruled by maniacs, but they’re obviously just pretending.

“By combining five or six reasonably well equipped armies we could form a humanitarian corridor. At that point, many North Korean soldiers will take the opportunity to slip out of their uniforms.

“The South will be able to house several million, but in order to ensure the orderly evacuation of North Korea, we are going to need your spare room.

“We did it for annoying urban children during the war and we can do it again.

“And hey, if you’re lucky enough to be the Marquis of Bath you could put up two or three North Korean families and not even know they were there.

“So this Christmas, if you have a spare room, pledge it to a North Korean.”

Professor Brubaker added: “It won’t be for very long. Without anyone to oppress, the ruling elite will have nothing to do but execute each other until all that’s left is Kim Jong Un looking in the mirror suspiciously before blowing his fat little brains out.

“And then everyone can go home.”

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Pope named Pope of the Year

TIME Magazine’s prestigious Pope of the Year award has been handed to new-pope-on-the-block Pope Francis.

Editor Helen Archer said: “Pope Francis has controversially read different bits of the Bible out than the last pope and therefore very much deserves this honour.”

Francis is believed to have easily beaten the other name on the shortlist, Pope Benedict XVI, who lost out because he was no longer pope.

Pope Francis said: “I am surprised and delighted to accept this wonderful honour.

“I honestly didn’t expect to win. I thought it was going to go to Robin Thicke.”