This is the only real home I've ever known, tearful Farage tells EU parliament

A SOBBING Nigel Farage has told his fellow MEPs that they are his truest friends and leaving them will be the greatest sorrow of his life. 

The former UKIP leader admitted that he had come to Strasbourg with hate in his heart, but the warm embrace of his transcontinental colleagues had changed him forever.

He said: “18 years ago I strutted in here, determined to tear the whole edifice down from the inside while collecting a healthy salary.

“But the unconditional love and support I’ve received from so many of you over the years has made this parliament into a family.

“I only stayed in UKIP because I couldn’t bear to leave. The only time I ever spoke my ‘native language’ was back there, where I became a ridiculous caricature of an Englishman who was everything I despised.

“Tragically, I was the architect of my own demise. But my heart will always be blue with a ring of yellow stars.”

Farage added: “Oh, the Italian fascists. I’ll miss you most of all.”

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Ask Holly: Some people gave me a can of fizzy pop and now everyone is cross

Dear Holly,

Some important people with friendly smiles and lots of flashy cameras put some lipstick on me and gave me a can of fizzy pop and told me to stand with a crowd of hippies and when they said ‘now’ I had to walk over and give a nice policeman a drink of my can and then they said ‘good job’ and they gave my mum a big suitcase full of bits of green paper and everyone was smiling and laughing. But now everyone is cross with me, did I have a big bogie?



Dear Kendall,

When I was little, the Stamford and Rutland Observer ran a child modelling competition where you could win £500 and a guest appearance at Truckfest at the East of England Showground alongside Geoff Capes and Andy Bell from Erasure. My mummy and daddy were quite keen to win the money and we all thought I had a good chance despite my lazy eye but in the end the competition was cancelled. Apparently Geoff Capes was being a diva again and refused to turn up unless he got the stage all to himself and 50 white doves in his dressing room. True story.

Hope that helps