President of United States wildly applauded for getting through whole speech without massive f**k up

THE President of the United States has managed to get through an entire speech without saying anything explicitly dangerous or obviously insane. 

Donald Trump successfully managed to read words off a screen for almost an hour without straying off topic, bragging about the size of his inaguration and/or penis, or lapsing into incoherence. 

Senator Bob Corker of Tennessee said: “A full hour? God bless America.

“I naturally assumed we’d be getting the usual 10 scripted minutes followed by extemporised remarks on Schwarzengger’s Apprentice ratings, the rugged handsomeness of Putin, how incredibly smart he is and an imaginary terrorist attack on Limerick. 

“Instead he read his whole speech out like a good boy, rewarded by regular applause. I haven’t been this proud since my grandson stopped shitting in the bath.

“What an incredible president. Really puts the last one to shame.”