Two idiots climb big thing for some stupid reason

A PAIR of morons scaled a sheer rock face for reasons that make no sense whatsoever.

The two men, who are both Americans obviously, spent 19 days showing off on the side of a mountain, even though no-one cares in the slightest.

Climber Kevin Jorgesen probably said something like, ‘wow, that was totally awesome!’ before being hugged by a bunch of hyperactive weirdos who think watching television is a ‘waste of time’.

His climbing friend Tommy Caldwell would no doubt have added something about an ‘adrenalin rush’ as if that is something you are supposed to be proud of.

The two men will now probably be paid a million dollars to appear in an advert for a car or an insurance company or some chocolate.

Meanwhile, it has been suggested that someone should tell them to get a proper job and stop being such a pair of arseholes all the time.



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Zuckerberg now youngest person still on Facebook

THIRTY year-old Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is the youngest person still on it.

Most young people have taken flight from the ancient social network in favour of platforms including Snapchat, Whatsapp, Emotiswap and Grindr.

Zuckerberg said: “Facebook just seems to be full of prehistoric cultural references. What is ‘Dangermouse’? Who is ‘Mr T’ and why does he ‘pity the fool’?

“What’s a ‘Morrissey’?”

Zuckerberg has also discovered that Facebook traffic increases during the night as most of its users need to go to the toilet and take the opportunity to log on and post something about Dangermouse before going back to bed.

Zuckerberg said, “I wanted to impose a ‘no over-40s’ rule on Facebook but I was told that would just leave myself and a Ms Katherine Walker, from Stevenage, age 37.

“Am I the fool? Does ‘Mr T’ pity me?”