THE liberal press, predictably, sees war in Russia as a bad thing. I see it as an opportunity. An opportunity for today’s spoilt Netflix generation to toughen up.
Because war – no-mercy, millions-needlessly-slaughtered war against an implacable opponent – is exactly what the avocado-toast millennials and the TikToking Zoomers need.
There’ll be no moaning about house prices when they’re in Army barracks. There’ll be no complaining about their zero-hours barista jobs when they’re field-stripping L85 bullpup assault rifles.
And there’ll be no insisting on they/them pronouns or calling the Mr Men racist when the bullets are flying. Once Generation Coddled is on the frontline they’ll soon drop their bullshit.
Do I care about Ukraine? Do I bugger. They all speak Russian anyway. You spend 40 years in Stalin’s back pocket? You’re no friend of mine.
But this war is the perfect way of bringing our mollycoddled Twitterati wokeist metropolitan cold-brew-sipping man-bun vegan binge-watching knee-taking genderqueer children – including my own – face-to-face with reality.
While they’re gone we’ll create a Britain fit for heroes. We’ll abolish the BBC, bring back fox-hunting and put the NHS in safe American hands. Gun-owning will be legal. Cannabis possession? Life in prison.
So when our battle-hardened youngsters return, dead or alive, after their bracing confrontation with murderous reality, they’ll thank us. They’ll join us in our alcoholism. They’ll line up to vote Conservative. And they’ll finally understand why we backed Brexit.