EXPERTS have warned that the world is within a single provocation of being hit by a tweeted dick pic from President Trump.
Following an escalating exchange of penis-based boasts with similarly cock-out leader Kim Jong Un, the UN has raised its Dick Readiness Condition to the highest level of DIKCON One.
A White House source said: “It could happen tomorrow. Or tonight.
“All the old advice – stay in your homes, stock up on bottled water – is useless. When he hits the ‘tweet’ button, we have only minutes before it hits everyone.
“Perhaps there will be a few untouched communities in the remote Scottish Highlands, but what kind of world will they even be left with? Because you know North Korea will retaliate.
“We are closer to seeing a president’s wizened genitalia than we have been since 1962 and the Cuban Missile Crisis. Ask your granddad about that one.”
When tweeted, the pic will transparently be the penis of someone else and will be provably traced to a specific porn star within minutes, which the president and his staff will simply deny.