Brits who think Britain is best country in world appalled at idea of holidaying there

LEAVE-VOTING Britons are horrified at the prospect of vacationing in their own country instead of their first choice, Europe.

Thanks to the coronavirus and the botched job their hero Boris Johnson has made of it, red-faced Brits in Union Jack t-shirts are now unable to clear off to Spain at the first opportunity.

Martin Bishop, who has a timeshare flat in Benidorm, said: “I love Britain, two world wars and one World Cup and all that, but you can have too much of a good thing.

“The idea of spending my summer holiday in some run-down seaside town full of greasy doughnut stands where the weather will suddenly turn into a freezing monsoon is making me incredibly depressed. 

“That or some godforsaken campsite, queuing with other English people to shave your head at a rusty tap with no foreigners to mock. 

“I love my country, but if I don’t get the hell out of here between June and September and hopefully a few weeks over Christmas, I’ll top myself.

“I’m the biggest patriot I know, but patriotism has its limits. And those limits are staying in a B&B in Southend and not being able to get those yummy sardines.”

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Britain knew Johnson would never deceive them over affair with a blonde

A RELIEVED nation has confessed they knew their hero Boris Johnson would never use his position to have tawdry sex with a blonde American. 

Now that there will be no criminal probe into his relationship with entrepreneur Jennifer Arcuri, Johnson is totally cleared of any suspicion of wrongdoing, just as Britain expected all along. 

Margaret Gerving said: “I knew it was all lies when they said he had an inappropriate sexual relationship. Not Boris, I said. 

“Now he’s been exonerated all those dirty people with their minds in the gutter will finally have to accept he was only having IT lessons from that lovely lady without a sniff of impropriety. 

“There’s just no way he would allow his base lusts to overwhelm his sense of civic duty. He gave her those grants because of her undoubted technological brilliance. Mark my words, she’ll be the next Steve Jobs. 

Norman Steele said: “The man’s guided by a strict moral code. He’s like a Puritan. I feel sorry for him because he’s denied himself so much in the service of his country. 

“He could never lie to anyone, especially not for sex. Anyone who doubts that isn’t British and should be deported.”