Saturday, 4th April 2020

Couple who do f**k all outraged they can't go out and do things

A COUPLE who never get off their arses are furious that they are not supposed to go anywhere at the moment.

Nikki Hollis and Stephen Malley have not bothered to go anywhere beyond their work and the nearest supermarket for the five years they’ve been together but are now outraged about having to stay home.

Hollis said: “It’s fine for me to do shit-all if that’s what I want but it’s unforgivable that the government would tell me to be a non-participant in society.

“It should be my choice never to visit art galleries, or to stream movies instead of going to the cinema, or to cancel plans with friends rather than ever see anything through.”

Malley added: “Some of our friends are suggesting a big post-Covid party to celebrate when things are normal again which is some comfort.

“The idea of having the option to go out and really enjoy myself with my mates, and then turn that down is the only thing helping me sleep at night.”