Sunday, 27th September 2020

D*ckhead tooth fairy forgot kid's tooth

A SIX-year-old girl was left distraught after the d*ckhead tooth fairy went to the pub and forgot to take her tooth.

Kelly Hollis placed her precious incisor under her pillow before bed so that the tooth fairy could collect it and leave cash in exchange, as her parents promised, but woke to find no money, the tooth still there and her mother coincidentally hungover.

Dad Andy Hollis explained: “The tooth fairy probably didn’t have any change so promised she’d get some while she was out at the pub with her friends then call in on the way home.

“But apparently the tooth fairy bumped into some other tooth faries at the pub, which she hadn’t seen since college, and they all stayed a bit late and did some shots and she ended up being sick in the downstairs toilet.

“What a naughty, selfish anthropomorphic manifestation the tooth fairy is. I’m sure she’s suffering for it this morning.”

Kelly said: “Daddy blames the tooth fairy, but Mummy said perhaps if the tooth fairy didn’t have to do all the emotional labour then she wouldn’t need to let off steam in the first place.

“Whatever. Apparently I’m getting a fiver now.”