Monday, 19th April 2021

Deeply unlikable man 'chose' not to have kids

A MAN with no appealing personality traits whatsoever claims he never got round to having children out of personal choice.

Tom Booker has conveniently overlooked his horrible personality, total lack of ambition and career prospects, and general incompetence while boasting about his decision.

Booker said: “Whenever I hear friends with kids talk about how tired and poor they are, I let out a self-satisfied snort. Thanks to my superior powers of reasoning I’ve cleverly dodged this trap.

“Sure, there were some close calls. I went out with someone at college for a fortnight before I brutally chucked her. If I’d let that continue, I’d have ended up stuck with a baby.

“Now I get to live alone in my parent’s basement and work at a dead-end job, which are other things I’ve decided to do totally of my own volition.”

Booker’s college girlfriend Mary Fisher said: “I chucked Tom because he was incredibly boring. If he’s still bitterly hung up about that after more than 20 years, the gene pool’s better off.”