A MAN is dismayed that hair is sprouting from every orifice and inch of his body except the one place he wants it to.
Tom Logan suffered from male pattern baldness from his late 20s onwards and has tried every treatment available to restore his former growth, including travelling to Cumbria to have his pate licked by a cow.
Logan said: “Nothing has worked. Hair stubbornly refuses to grow on my head whilst blooming luxuriously from my nostrils, ears, on and between my buttocks and all across my back.
“It also grows on the tops of my shoulders, which is just creepy. I wouldn’t be surprised if it starting growing on my palms. It’s ridiculous. It’s unwanted. I feel like my own body is trolling me.
“I’ve tried shampoos, massages, sprays and even bloody crystals to get a bit of head hair back. I can’t afford a transplant, so it’s starting to feel like the only option is to shave my whole body, cover my head in glue and stick it all on.”
Girlfriend Donna Sheridan said: “I think Tom looks gorgeous without hair, but I fully support all his efforts to make it grow back. Apart from the cow thing. That was weird.”