A MAN has finally come to terms with the fact he has no hair, a decade after his friends and family did the same.
Stephen Malley, aged 32, had a classic case of male pattern baldness which saw his hairline recede steadily from the moment he turned 18, a situation everyone in his life has known about for as long as they can remember.
Malley said: “I guess I’ve been in denial. I’ve tried growing the rest of my hair long, combing it in creative ways, and even wearing a variety of hats, but now I’ve given in.
“I decided it was time to bite the bullet and shave my head. I felt really emotional about it, like the best years of my life were behind me and now I was on an inexorable slide towards decay and death.
“I tried to explain this to my mates and they told me that I looked much better as a proper slaphead and to stop being such an overdramatic dickhead about it.
“And my girlfriend was even happier. She said if I’d kept up the Prince William circa 2015 look for much longer she was going to think seriously about dumping me.”