A MAN has opened the first door on his advent calendar to reveal a yawning black consumerist void demanding to be fed with money.
Tom Booker bought the advent calendar to count the days until Christmas, but instead is staring into an infinite abyss of capitalism which wants everything and gives back nothing.
He said: “I thought it would have chocolates in. Cocoa-dusted Belgian truffles, maybe.
“Instead the cardboard door opened and revealed an endless freezing starless night. But somehow the depthless oblivion was writhing, and it spoke to me. ‘Feed me’ it said.
“It wants cash, it wants vouchers, it wants luxury goods. It wants Boots three-for-two offers. It wants tubs of Celebrations and bottles of Bailey’s and pigs-in-blankets and wheels of Stilton.
“But no matter how much you tip in there, it swallows it and then demands even more. I can’t keep up. I’m already well into my overdraft and it’s only December first.
“It says it’s the real meaning of Christmas. That can’t be right, surely? But it doesn’t feel like it’s wrong.”