Saturday, 24th October 2020

Man's day ruined after petrol pump shows £50.01

A MAN will be in a foul mood for the rest of the day after his slow trigger finger left him paying for £50.01 of petrol. 

James Bates was filling his Kia Sportage and aiming to get it right on the button as usual when a moment’s inattention left him humiliated by his own clumsiness.

He said: “I was doing alright until about £33.45, when I started to think about the finale of that Life On Mars show and what a load of cock it was. By the time I snapped out of it I was just a fraction too late.

“Going in to pay was the worst bit. The cashier just looked at me like ‘You poor bastard’. I couldn’t even meet his eye. I bought a Lucozade just to make it less shameful and ended up leaving it on the counter.

“I haven’t been this ashamed since my last premature ejaculation. Who knows what else these oafish hands will screw up? Better write today off. I feel like the whole world’s laughing at me.”

Garage attendant Ryan Whittaker said: “Mate. Mate. You would not believe the dickhead we had in here today. Fifty pounds and one penny. Look, we’ve kept the wanker’s receipt.”