Nobody told man there was £200 penalty-free shoplifting limit

A MAN who has only just learned you can shoplift as much as you like under £200 without penalty wishes someone had told him earlier. 

Until a minister demanded police investigate shoplifting even if the goods stolen are worth less than £200, Nathan Muir of Hitchin had no idea he could walk out with £199 of shopping worth scot-free.

He said: “Yeah, says here police won’t attend and all you get is a fine through the post. Well that’s the cost of living crisis sorted, quite frankly.

“I’m never buying more than £200, not even in Sainsbury’s. Even a big shop’s not clearing £150. What, do I have to scan it through to show it costs less and then they’ll just wave me out?

“Apparently under the Anti-Social Behaviour, Crime and Policing Act it’s a summary offence, I don’t even have to go to court and the fine’s £70. So as long as you’re nicking more than that you can’t lose.

“Who brought that in? 2014? The Tories. Well, who says they’re not on the side of the common man? Though they could have done better on informing us. There should be signs up in the aisles.

“Right, I’m off down Asda. Anyone want anything?”

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One year on from Liz Truss becoming prime minister, is it time to admit she killed the Queen?

IT is a year since Liz Truss became prime minister, and Britain can no longer hide from the obvious truth: she killed the Queen. 

Analysis of Britain’s shortest-serving prime minister has tended to focus on her disastrous economic policies. But, with 12 months distance, we can no longer ignore that she ended the reign of Britain’s longest-serving monarch, fatally.

Let us examine the facts. At the beginning of September last year, Queen Elizabeth II was elderly but in stable health. On September 6th, Liz Truss visited her at Balmoral. Immediately, and not coincidentally, Her Majesty’s health plunged into irreversible decline.

Within 48 hours of her meeting with Truss – or the Reaper’s Harbinger, as she should henceforward be known – the nation had lost its ruler.

And while such questions were taboo while we mourned, and were set aside in the aftermath when Truss resigned for unrelated issues, we must now admit what we all know: Liz Truss killed Queen Elizabeth II.

The death touch of this cursed monster took our monarch’s life as certainly as if she had stabbed her through the heart. Whether Truss herself is extravagantly toxic, or the Queen’s profound humiliation at appointing an obvious moron finished her off, it was undoubtedly Truss’s fault.

She murdered her and she had the nerve to speak at her funeral. Stood up in front of the whole world and woodely read from the Bible while everyone in the Abbey and watching at home thought ‘you did this. She would be alive now if not for you.’

It was not happenstance. Her Majesty met Truss and she died, and the second was a direct consequence of the first. Liz Truss committed regicide. She executed the Queen as sure as an axeman killed Charles I.

Let it go down in history. Let future generations know the truth. Liz Truss killed the Queen.